zip it in the bud

The other day, Jake was given 2 free Zippo lighters for filling out some kind of survey. Being the good friend that he is, he gave me one of them and I haven't been able to stop playing with the blasted thing since. I'm not a smoker and never will be (no way no how) but I almost wish I were, for the sole purpose of having a justifiable reason to be carrying this little doohickey around with me everywhere. I'm a bit of a pyro as it is and have always been mesmerized by a flickering flame, so I think the fact that I have instant access to one whenever I fancy makes this little silver gizmo that much more appealing to me.

I'm somewhat troubled by the immediate negative association that having a lighter carries with it, and yet I still can't help but love it. The telltale metallic clicking sound it makes as it's flipped open and shut is like auditory crack and has quickly bumped bubble wrap from the top of my "fun sounds list". Then there's the brilliant little flash of sparks that causes the fuel-saturated wick to instantly erupt in flames almost every time. And don't even get me started on the smell. Don't ask me how but the burning lighter fuel has a somewhat nostalgic smell to it and is in some odd way...kind of soothing. This little contraption is quickly replacing my cell phone as my favorite "pocket toy" (keep your minds out of the gutter fellas).

Again, I don't like the fact that I've already gotten asked: "Oh, do you smoke?" only to awkwardly reply that I don't, I just like the lighter. I have to come up with a better reason than that for having it with me all the time. Let's see...

• Emergency lighting in the event of an extreme power outage...at night, or in a place with no windows...or excessive amounts of wind...
• A fire alarm setter-offer/sprinkler system turner-onner (used with much success by quite a few movie heroes to cause a much-needed distraction and get them out of a pickle)
• Signal fire (or signal mirror in the event the fuel runs out...which is a legitimate possibility considering how much I've been playing with the thing)
• A torch lighter. You know, for all those expeditions that require exploring an ancient cave that just so happens to have a cloth-covered torch waiting by the entrance and a pool of some sort of flammable liquid nearby, but no feasible way of lighting the torch...
• A leech remover
• A birthday candle lighter
• An emergency surgery blade sterilizer

...That's good for starters. Hopefully one of those will do the trick. If not, I'm forced to sit there in complete silence and look at the people around me when someone asks "Does anyone have a lighter?" Even though I will be wanting desperately to whip it out, nonchalantly flip it open with a flick of my thumb, bring the brilliant flame to life with another flick of my thumb, then simultaneously extinguish it and close the lid with a snap of my wrist (a motion I'm becoming quite good at considering how much practice I've had). Even though I would love an opportunity to show off my little toy and the lighting skills I've develeoped, I dare not. No, I'd rather miss a prime opportunity to light something on fire than to risk looking like a smoker...even if I do have an awesome little Zippo "burning a hole in my pocket". *ting*